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The more Eddie and I talked, the more I wanted mom. I became more explicit in my feelings towards her. On a day when she was wearing a V-neck tee shirt that showed some cleavage, I said, “Mom you look hot.” I rarely remarked on what I saw but it was having an effect on me. I saw her catch a glimpse of my bulge and then look away. She became uncomfortable and said, “Matt, you shouldn’t say things like that to me.”I said, “That’s ridiculous…okay fine.” She said, “Matt, I’m not Mrs. Mella.” I said, “Don’t I know it, she loves her son.” I regretted the words even before Mom said, “That’s a terrible thing to say.” I said, “I’m sorry, I know you love me, I just want…” “Oh Matthew, I don’t know what you want.” I said, “I want to love you mom.” “I want you to love me too, but not in that…dirty way.” I didn’t say anything and she said, “I don’t mean dirty, it’s just…” I said, “You do mean dirty and it’s not mom, it’s love, I can’t help loving you that way.” She said, “That’s not love, what. The family was just me and my beautiful mother Fatma. His death really made me depressed over the years, however it did not seem to affect her. He was strict in following Islamic dogma in oppressing women. So maybe she felt more free now that his Sharia ideals weren't as strongly imposed now. However, I still followed the strict dogma itself, so I would often talk down to her when she violated the teachings. This caused alot of tension, but she should know that Islam keeps women opressed for a good reason."Muhammad, the repair man will be here shortly" she said.She had apparently been experiencing some leaky faucets the past week so she had called someone out to fix it."Alright" I said in a nonchalant manner looking at her.She always wore a hijab and a traditional Muslim dress. However today she was wearing a hot pink hijab and tight black yoga pants and a long sleave t-shirt. She was almost dressed like some college slut. I glared at her when I saw this since she knew I greatly.
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